Stasis Clock

I am getting close to releasing my frustration here. The tightness I feel in my body is slowly releasing. I feel better. Here I am writing one of the last post on this particular timeline in my life. To all those who may read. If any are reading. Let me make one thing clear. I care a lot. The people I walked around and followed in High School. They were the ones on my minds. To receive such cold treatment hurts. Whenever I heard something miserable happening in their life, I come home from school and cried. I wanted to help. I wanted to show support. I wanted to be there and be a friend. Yet I was judged on how well I followed social expectations. They did not know how much I cared.  If there was anything close to love that an immature teenager could have, I loved the people around me. Not just the crushes I developed, or people I chased, but anyone I considered my dear friend.  I noticed every time someone was grumpy. When they acted different. Or when they acted out of chara...

Last Friday, Last Saturday. I worked on my markdown project. I watched interviews of legends from the 70s-2000s. I get and got inspired. I opened up my device and ssh into my server. I navigated to the directory holding my markdown project. Above in the parent folder, I entered `cargo new meta-code --lib" command. I generated a new Rust project. Inspired by Ken Thompson for Unix, Brian Kernighan for his writing of AWK and other tools, and DHH for Ruby on Rails. They are famous for the kinds of work that are revolutionary. Language creation or systems that are infinitely extendable and facilitate other software generation. My new crate is designed to be a companion project. Rust code that will generate Rust code and write the output into a source file. Using file piping to focus the writer to the file. This way when I use the library I created, I can create concise and rich abstraction that extends my reach while coding. Imagine one code line writing hundreds of lines. Restart and ...

The stillness of quiet eyes. They observe the world. Every floating particle. Every sound. Mistake. Meaning connecting dots. Heartbreak. Destruction wrought both within and witness to other burdened hearts. Stillness meets your quivering lips. A little snot dripping. Bringing the childish feelings to old age.  Hurt. Years breathe down like sandy patterns. Sound dances underneath forming little words. Your history down, down, until it sinks. Belief. Then faith. Then finally. Your hope. Your dreams. You are reborn. No. No. No. Enemy shackles you again. The claw digging down your new skin. Drawing little scars. You cry. Weeping at the unfairness of evil games. Your eyes drew with cold. They see every particle. Every moment. Fine. I will be fearless. Hold it still. Destruction at self. Power. Strength. Then it all breaks very loose. No structure. No whimpering. Just steel. You fail. You slip. The rust bits. The claw scraps the cold steel. And it all heats up. Cracks finish your tale. D...

Friday and Saturday were spent binge watching conferences and interviews. I was watching a video made in the 80s of bell labs explaining the power of Unix. There was a scene where, writing in the terminal, a famous computer scientist entered a command and zoom! It made me jump. I thought the screen was burning up with a laser. As the graph formed it strangely faded quickly. My poor geek heart couldn't take much more. This whole video had so much history! These legends are the people whom I am learning from through observation. Their words, ideas, thought processes and the way they talk about life itself gives me brilliant clues. How do they think? How do they feel? So much of the powerful coding and specific kinds of problem solving has been lost to convenience and provided abstraction layers. Not many developers need to get into the gritty mindset anymore. Not that I blame the industry. I just find the methods they use back then, their approach in the 1960s-1990s, helpful. Softwar...

Henry looked at his hands. Each finger bleeding as sharpened metal struck his blood. His eyes watered. Mouth heaving as his fuzzy beard gleamed in the sun. Lacking some oxygene, he looked down. A big awkward rock carried a bent ore. The metal all twisted as he tried smashing it with a rock. The warm fire to the left died down with the day. Embers briefly welcoming the door creeking in the wind. "Well. Good luck with that" Sarah said. Her eyes both pity and disdain. Really just indifference. Her own demeanor screamed of self assuredy of whom she judged. "Yeah. Thanks. I know I am blacksmith. I just need to make the tools" Henry truthfully and honestly said. Her eye twitched and the sneer grew. Girls behind her grabbed her arm. Pulling Sarah away. She twirled around and walked gracefully away. Outside, Henry heard the faint whispers. "That guy is one of those men." One girl said. "No. All men really. Just what kind of weirdo is in there?" Another o...

I call it Time Reel or Reel. The symbol is the movie reel. Have you ever seen the movie "Harry and the Hendersons?" Or "The Apple Dumpling Gang?" Yes. When I think of the movie reel, I see myself walking in a movie theater during years before me and watching the film. Time and Space have very different meanings for a mind like mine. It's weird, and without careful study, how would I know my perception is different? If you don't like cake, then just say, "I don't like cake." No one cares if you prefer chocolate or coconut. We don't discuss topics like these as they are easily mistaken as tomato tomahto. Yet the consequences do hurt. They mean something. They mean a whole world to someone who is different. Time-Space.  The series of time films running in parallel. Every movie theater playing version of events. Space is trapped in the timeline. In this world, spatial coordinates do not exist. They only live in one moment in time. Like a movie ...