Stasis Clock

The stillness of quiet eyes. They observe the world. Every floating particle. Every sound. Mistake. Meaning connecting dots. Heartbreak. Destruction wrought both within and witness to other burdened hearts. Stillness meets your quivering lips. A little snot dripping. Bringing the childish feelings to old age.  Hurt. Years breathe down like sandy patterns. Sound dances underneath forming little words. Your history down, down, until it sinks. Belief. Then faith. Then finally. Your hope. Your dreams. You are reborn. No. No. No. Enemy shackles you again. The claw digging down your new skin. Drawing little scars. You cry. Weeping at the unfairness of evil games. Your eyes drew with cold. They see every particle. Every moment. Fine. I will be fearless. Hold it still. Destruction at self. Power. Strength. Then it all breaks very loose. No structure. No whimpering. Just steel. You fail. You slip. The rust bits. The claw scraps the cold steel. And it all heats up. Cracks finish your tale. D...

Friday and Saturday were spent binge watching conferences and interviews. I was watching a video made in the 80s of bell labs explaining the power of Unix. There was a scene where, writing in the terminal, a famous computer scientist entered a command and zoom! It made me jump. I thought the screen was burning up with a laser. As the graph formed it strangely faded quickly. My poor geek heart couldn't take much more. This whole video had so much history! These legends are the people whom I am learning from through observation. Their words, ideas, thought processes and the way they talk about life itself gives me brilliant clues. How do they think? How do they feel? So much of the powerful coding and specific kinds of problem solving has been lost to convenience and provided abstraction layers. Not many developers need to get into the gritty mindset anymore. Not that I blame the industry. I just find the methods they use back then, their approach in the 1960s-1990s, helpful. Softwar...

Henry looked at his hands. Each finger bleeding as sharpened metal struck his blood. His eyes watered. Mouth heaving as his fuzzy beard gleamed in the sun. Lacking some oxygene, he looked down. A big awkward rock carried a bent ore. The metal all twisted as he tried smashing it with a rock. The warm fire to the left died down with the day. Embers briefly welcoming the door creeking in the wind. "Well. Good luck with that" Sarah said. Her eyes both pity and disdain. Really just indifference. Her own demeanor screamed of self assuredy of whom she judged. "Yeah. Thanks. I know I am blacksmith. I just need to make the tools" Henry truthfully and honestly said. Her eye twitched and the sneer grew. Girls behind her grabbed her arm. Pulling Sarah away. She twirled around and walked gracefully away. Outside, Henry heard the faint whispers. "That guy is one of those men." One girl said. "No. All men really. Just what kind of weirdo is in there?" Another o...

I call it Time Reel or Reel. The symbol is the movie reel. Have you ever seen the movie "Harry and the Hendersons?" Or "The Apple Dumpling Gang?" Yes. When I think of the movie reel, I see myself walking in a movie theater during years before me and watching the film. Time and Space have very different meanings for a mind like mine. It's weird, and without careful study, how would I know my perception is different? If you don't like cake, then just say, "I don't like cake." No one cares if you prefer chocolate or coconut. We don't discuss topics like these as they are easily mistaken as tomato tomahto. Yet the consequences do hurt. They mean something. They mean a whole world to someone who is different. Time-Space.  The series of time films running in parallel. Every movie theater playing version of events. Space is trapped in the timeline. In this world, spatial coordinates do not exist. They only live in one moment in time. Like a movie ...

Transition is another piece to the process.  The cycle of Yin and Yang is where Thursday night took me. I investigated the symbols of Tiger and Phoenix in various places. Since the topic didn't need to be 100% accurate, I chatted with AI about these symbols. The conversation was very casual, and I learned something new. It was about the four logics or four elements. The standard two logics: True False The other duality: Both Neither When I focused on saying "its neither that or this" and "its both x and y" my sound sense pulled up a memory. Back in November I got into Jazz. I listened to a song called "Take Five" by Dave Brubeck.  For some reason the song calmed my crazy mind. I wanted to know why. Is there some deep secret to this song that I could find in other ways? Let's say writing? Drawing? Gaming? My instincts were telling me it was the odd rhythm. The collapsing rhythm felt so relaxing. Soothing my sensory. In some cases completely quieting...

Start over. I wrote this post once, and my writing turned into a rant. My gut has been hurting for several days now, and I am losing patience with the irritation. Over the months I have tuned my diet. I have eliminated ice creams and shake. Reduced to minimal salt intake. I started removing the cheese off at restaurants and fast foods. Went to mostly home cook meals and simple take out. Now I am two months without any sort of junk food. Purely home cooked meals and store bought items. Never in my life has my health been better. Despite the high weight levels and health problems. The foundations are sturdy, and they are only getting reliable. I try not to rant here. I may express my frustrations and trauma, but I want the writing to remind me of hope. There are many good things to be grateful for. My rants live in my journal, and even there I try to not to go too crazy. I save my most negative voice when I cry and let it all out. There are different avenues to process events, and I am a...