Going Below to Find the Up

Too often our actions to prevent or erase is the festering problem. We see the terror inside the skin, the lack of judgement or the lack of resolve. Helpless at the incoming jailer sealing the barrier within. This type of challenge causes sickening feelings. Insides tighten because the problem is often months, even years in the fighting. However at the end of all the years struggling, most often than not, we realize that the solution was always simple, and very beautiful to the eyes.

There are some people who should avoid water slides. They slip down the dark tunnel, tilting right and rushing down. Feet smash into the glass of water feeling bubbles race up their legs. Instead of popping their heads up and smiling, they begin failing their arms up in open air. When the mind is disoriented, air will seem like water. Life seems to about to end. However those swimmer moments typically have happy endings. The life guard blows their whistle and steadies the awareness of the swimmer. Embarrassment is thick on the swimmer's face. I always thought it strange. Why couldn't these people just slow down and touch their feet on the concrete. Doing that certainly led to reorientation? Still don't understand what happens during the waterslide, but I have experienced disorientation too many times to count. My sympathies. Not knowing where up is terrifying. Even sickening.

When I clean my room, which happens quite a lot, my style is to throw every loose object into one corner. The point of this is for me to get a sense of the room again. To rediscover organization. My plan sets in motion. I may move furniture around, because of my ADHD, and stare blankly as music takes me to a different place, but the room finally comes together. The sense of ownership comes flooding back in. I can't work in a space unless I feel like I own the place. Which means I will often clean even if the room is in mint condition. Ownership means gravity to me. Walking on the moon sounds fun, but eventually I would return home. Gravity is the anchor I need. Floating in space, like your disorientated, is the sickening feeling reincarnated. Thankfully, outer space here is just a metaphor. We can apply gravity at anytime. To find up, we must go down. Sink a bit, so the sense of down can reveal the sense of up. Without opposites, where would we go? How would anything make sense? To alter shape you must begin with a shape. Point A to point B.

Stories move us because they penetrate what is hidden. Within the barriers we erected to hold the terrifying truth at bay, is connected by the story of another. We are transported to a place within the story where exploration is safe. Maybe such safety is what we needed to find some measure of peace. Creating art, even if not to our standards, gives us a canvas where the bounds of the medium is like the safety rails at a bowling ally. Maybe there is a video game where the virtual world is a place that gives a sense of safety. Find your anchor. The gravity of your soul. Then sink.

With your pressurized suit on, plunge into the water. Feel the bubbles crackle as you dive. The suit keeps you safe. Helps you breathe as you explore the depths. Why would you travel to the middle of the blue ocean, and dive into a endless depth? Simple. This is a metaphor. The blue ocean is you. All your memories, all your thoughts and all your beliefs. It is easy to stay on land, but the ocean is out here. Too long has the connection to yourself has been severed. Too long has the murky shadows below scared you away from the depths. Since this is you, those murky critters are not giant sharks or giant squids. They are the artistic embodiment of your life. These creatures cannot hurt you, for you are the master of the ocean. However, to gain mastery of your domain, you must be comfortable exploring the depths and coming back up. Defeat must become a stepping stone to the skill of self. When the ocean becomes to painful, and you find the surface the only comfort, do this exercise.

Find the pain, the poison and acknowledge it. Acknowledge the reality of the situation. Allow the gravity to set in. Without any price. There is no price for this exercise. You are priceless. Take all the time you need, for you are worth it. The benefit of sinking for a bit is that the exercise strengthens your sense of up. When you learn to sink without panicking, without the screams, you learn that mental space is your domain. Learn to orientate yourself, and you can swim anywhere you desire. Qualities such as acceptance, self-love, hope and faith are key here. They remove the barriers, so your arms can swing freely. With free hands, alter the landscape of the present one step at a time. Take the time you need. If you feel a sense of rush, you won't be patient with yourself. When time drifts like the evening breeze, the light within burns bright.

Pain is hard. Pain is a resource though.

Pain is indicator of what is going on. It teaches. It alerts. And of course, pain will persist. However, pain is no different from the notification on your phone. With all my text messages, except for a few contacts, I mute the alerts. The ding may not be heard, but a silent number indicates unread messages. Pain can be silent, beneath our awareness as well. Like the phone, the pain will not go away unless we acknowledge it. Somehow, we need to indicate acknowledgement of its presence. Accept the presence of what is within us. Ironically, pain settles down when we don't ignore its message. Have you ever had a itch on your face and tried to ignore it? I have. Often I accept the tug as a challenge of willpower. The more I try to ignore the greater the itch calls. It pulses and spreads across my head. However, if I acknowledge, "dang my head is itchy" immediately the overwhelming itchiness becomes just standard itchy again. Often monsters are born because we don't look directly into the shadows. What is a clawed hand turns into a bed post upon focus.

Once pain is acknowledge it becomes manageable again. Take that stable energy into a safe environment. Art, writing, video games, nature, whatever is your turf. In the safe place, you can be like iron man. Throw the pain into the space in front of your sight. Move your hands, twirl the model up and down. Study it and understand it. Then get to work. Create your next power-source. Transfer the raw material into a tool or suit of armor. For me, that is writing. Lately my posts have been around the same theme. Honestly, that is because I am dealing with pains of the past. I have experienced much of my life feeling bound and helpless. As I grow stronger, and face my past, my lab is my writing. Beauty from ashes. My writing transforms my past into something worthwhile. My personal suffering propels my greatest growth. My voice in this crowded world. 

Find your voice. A domain that is yours. Use that domain to drag in the past to transform it into something beautiful. You never challenge a master in his own domain.


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