A Lonely King

Armor. Setting sun sweat drip armor. The heat oozed off my skin and dripped off dry rashes of pain. I breathed heavy but my spine and back pulled me down. It was a cinch. And the armor very delicate as it rubbed my back raw. Sweat filed brush.

“You know? I’m pretty thirsty.” said Daniel.

My little brother. His muscles tighten down. Heavy breath ready to turn summer air into fog. Battle fog really.

“Ah little brother. Where is that spirit from earlier. Is your big brother still better?” I teased.

A crooked grin and knowing look from his green eyes made me slightly blush. We both knew I barely won. I haven’t been training with him. Reading politics as I prepare for my birth right. Putting only hours to maintain skill not grow. And knowing him, he probably visualized me as he was training. Little runt.

My frame was average, but Daniel is growing so fast. Lightning quick. Lean strength but incredible mind. Sharpened by Dad and his own brothers. That little kid now in a position to climb. Soar really. Little bits of warmth peeked from a hidden smile. Truthfully he is growing up.

“Yep. A break sounds nice. I’ll get water on my face and back, but probably no more than that. You are ready for another round right?” I said.

Daniel nodded and practically creaked his response. Probably rust or something. Need to get his armored polished. Court needs us to keep track of such useless details. For politics and into politics. But never for Daniel. Not yet at least. We ran after walking a few steps. Meaty feet pushing past decorum. Boots sliding up and down as warm air pushed between our toes. I sighed in and out. And thought of his growth. I may inherit this kingdom and my brother another. But we will not fight like so many others before us. We’re close. And that is all to it. Right? So why am I nervous?

I looked across to see Daniel slosh water up his face. Onlookers from the palace walls gawked. And I reddened. Embarrassed no less. A tinge of annoyance perhaps. But not a bit least angry. This needed to be handled with care. For both our sakes. And then why am I so nervous? It’s not like we aren’t close. We talk and worry together. And Daniel is a good kid. So why fear? I trembled in my lip. And heat flushed my veins. My heart rate racked up. Breath in and breathe out.

I looked across the onlookers and embarrassment turned into anger. Their mock faces. Their set eyes. As eagles set to devour a young chick. One who is innocent. One who is learning. I stared hard. Looking at each one. Memorizing. Calculating the spear to defend my home. Then a flash like sparkling cider hinted at a memory. And I closed my eyes and quickly snapped left. Mumbling a curse to chase it away. And meekness turned sour as a virtue and temperance went ramped  into submission of something muddy. Something twisted, something mostly right but also very wrong. So I closed my eyes. Squinting. As wrinkles hinted of these things before. Holding it in. My breath quick to whip around as it was sucked right in.

And then suppression. Tension speaking as if it was relaxing under the hot blistering sky A very painful relief. No joy will be returning to my eyes today. 

Some girls were looking at me weirdly. And I flushed a bit. Damn girls. I’m not stupid. No I am not stupid. Nor am I weak. I’m very respectable.

“Derek? Is everything alright?” Said Daniel.

Clueless of his own onlookers.

I sighed and finished walking over. Putting one hand to gently lower his other hand. Putting it all to a stopping edge. This needing to be swept down quickly. And there came a slight edge to my voice. Growing thicker. As I knew now, as I have done before, starting the inventible switch of a simple situation into a hammer throw. It is going to break any semblance of sense.

“Daniel. We went over this. Quick diving into the water like a swine. No not a swine. A freaking rat.” I said.

I heard whispers and giggles. A bit of an echo. Daniel began to redden. His eyes sharp. And boy I wish my fighting skills were not so equal to His. Because sometimes fighting is what determined hierarchy. Especially among siblings. And his youth still shined like reflected water. Wet and very dripping without form or experience.

“You are a Prince of Azel. Not some animal whose dignity is lower than a pack animal, and please-“ I got cut off.

A deep voice laughed. And then high pitched giggles followed. One guy pranced around. Nibbling his teeth like a rodent. A young woman bowed and then slid an arm band off. Sniffling trying to holding in a laugh. And then She placed it like a crown to the now bowing man.

And Daniel whipped towards the man on the balcony. My brother drew his sword. And bit of magic leaped off my fingertips and entered his ears.

I whispered softly to him. The magic carrying my voice and snaking into his eardrum. Hopefully there was no scrying going on.

“Daniel. Don’t do this. Father has-“ I was interrupted. Again. By my brother.

He yelled very forcefully. As this again. Felt very familiar. I knew his words before it began to gain its cadence. And it was ugly for the very courtly people. Fuel to their sensibilities. Fire to the finger. Judgement to the whiners. Not again. Got to act quick.

“Little polychokers. Little freakin, mouth breathing flappin swishing worms. If you don’t come down here and mock me right here. Right now. I’m going to take my princely sword here and shove to who knows who and around-“ Said Daniel.

“Daniel. Not here” I hissed. Hoping beyond hope. That he would have commons sense for once.

“And then. I’ll drag you to the stadium and whip the little suits and dresses-“ Said Daniel.

“Enough!” I roared.

Why am I defending them? Why do I care? It is lawful for princes to remind those who dare perch on their roof who has the feeder. And isn’ their mockery the result of… Anger split my veins like lightning. And my breathing shot forward. My eyes went back to Daniel. Sadly Daniel was right. But father would hear of this. And I needed to bring this back under control.

“Dueling ring. Now!” I barked. My eyes began to glow purple and pink as magic surged. But like always the magic choked. And then intermittently went sideways and then malfunctioned.

We stomped back. And Daniel turned around glaring. He stared at my flickering eyes for a few seconds. The sign of a broken core. Then his eyes soften. As I have told him of my story and struggle.

“Still haven’t figured out the cause have you?” He said. Barely above a whisper. We both knew that my gift was broken. But the court did not. My father hid it as best he could. Truly a good father. Right? In all honesty I should have been shoved down and one of my brothers inherit the central kingdom.

Yet father believed in me. And stood with conviction. Like I said. We are all close. A good family for royals. My dad, no I mean father, hid all our misgivings. And insured we got the best chance for success.

An itch returned. My blood swept the magic aside. And I felt rage and panic. Not again. Why, why, why?

Daniel placed a hand on my shoulder. Completely forgotten what was going on before.

“I think we should close for the evening. What do you think?” Said Daniel.

I didn’t answer. And he left. Above the sky birthed a darkness. The stars mixed in purple. Acting like starving parents as they shepherd the black in between. The grass press against my neck as I laid down. Armor nipping at my back, but I just got lost. A tear enter my eye duct. I wiped it across my cheek. Smearing it all over. And my ego slept as my heart opened.

“Tell me.” I hissed. Begging the gods and the stars to birth a new power. Not this broken one. Oh I would give anything to be reborn anew. Every prince who will rule the seven kingdoms had received their gift from the stars. At birth, an altar placed in the cathedral with an open roof. And the child princeling gazing above. Chants recited and tombs offered before the stars. A regime spread across the child’s skin. If the princeling didn’t have a defect, a gem would form just below the neck. And insert itself directly in the skin. Fueling a new surge of magic.

Subconsciously I touched my neck. Tracing down to find it. A purple gem. Dark and inactive. Not mixed like purple and pink. And certainly not a real gem.

The night spread across my eyes and mind. And then I slept and doze upon the grass. As my thoughts wired back into my dreams.

The next day I had breakfast alone. As I read tombs that had logs and events of the week. Marking notes and placing date in my own notebook.

Using a bit of mana, I scribbled underneath the table. A notebook fused with the wood below and hidden beneath the cloth. My mana reached under and purple marks wrote names. Suspects. A daily hobby I suppose. Nothing to worry about? Right?

After the day went by. Father summoned me. I dressed nice. Starting up a plan. He had to know. He has to know. Before he finds… No. I must tell him. It’s the right thing to do. I mistreated my brother. And I must confess. And then relate what happened. Nothing good from being a liar, and hiding? Right? So what is there to fear. Dad will understand.

Down the courtyard I traveled. Swishing my boots in the elegant form of travel. People, mostly politician approved of my stylish walk. Stupid style. Why does this even matter? Why is father even listening to these fools? Walking is two feet, one at a time. Not a dance. And certainly a waste of feet to be insulting its function. These politicians should not be allowed to be so dominate. This is our home. Our palace. Not some cathedral or even court. It’s our home. Princes need to be casual at times. Why am I saying this? Princes that. And princes this. Who cares? The court is court. And I am a person and future king. Not some statue.

I reached the building father held mini court outside of the palace. Here in this home where my family lived. Held many buildings. Each with purpose. But this one was supposed to be our lounge or theater area. Something to relax. But Dad changed the building and create foundations for homely court. Ridiculous. The guard beckoned me in as this is routine. Daily updates at noon. My heart clenched. I must confess.

“Derek! Its good to see you!” Said Dad. His kindness and warmth oozing into natural aura.

I loved him. I looked up to him. But something tingled down my spine and tried to whisper. A increasing occurrence. I froze. Sweat drip down my forehead. I went to turn left and hiss at the anger, but I looked at my father. And tried to smile. This was my dad after all. He was understanding guy for a King and ruler. He protected me.

“Derek? Is everything okay? You got that look again” Said Dad.

His eyes searching. A warm hand gently squeezed my shoulder. Genuine. A flash went across my head. Inside. Invisible. Only to me. A brief vision. Of my Dad in one of his fits. Two images. One man. And only confusion as of result. A result of what? My Dad is a good man. And he protects me. Right? Anger briefly pulsed between my fingers and wrist. Something is not right-

“Let’s give you a minute. It’s happening again” Said Dad.

My gem on my skin stayed dead, but illusion magic from a tattoo on my back heated up. Mimicking a glowing purple-pink gem. Just like always. And my eyes flickered between the two colors. Something excusable somehow. But I doubt the court really bought the excuses.

Shortly. Everything went still. And I took a deep breath. Just like Dad taught me.

“There you go. Now let’s get with the report. Shall we?” Said Dad as he sat down. Dad my father, but also ruler of the seven kingdoms, began to return to His usual demeanor. A cross between warmth and regal business. Always working. Always pushing the kingdom forward. A good ruler. A good man. Someone I looked forward to-

“Father. Why are courtiers here? Isn’t this our home” I pressed. Dad’s pen dropped. And he looked up annoyed. I flinched inwardly. The confession leaping to my throat.

“I sort of yelled at Daniel yesterday. And I let him run to the water and embarrass the family. Truly I didn’t mean anything-“ I said.

A big sigh hissed forward. And dad, no father, stood up. A green glow emanating from his neck. As magic responded to annoyance and disappointment.

“Son. Why did you do this? You need to treat your younger brother better. You are his example after all.” Dad said.

I bowed my head. Playing meek to satisfy him. I believed in my Dad. Yes. But in all honesty I knew there was just as much resentment. Whenever it happened,  my anger crystalized and everything turned out to be fear and anger. I had to rein in my raging emotions. Years of it. Years of unanswered pain. Points never made. Faults never acknowledged. A good man, a good father. Yet blemishes in his reign fell heavily on me. 

As I bore the fear and the rage. As I fought to control my evil thoughts. Thoughts of confronting him. I knew deep down he knew too. But my Dad did not like to acknowledge mistakes or faults. Sometimes he pulled a tantrum when the big ruler was called out. So why the court? Why enable politicians to tell how to rule? And be respectable and honorable? They dismissed him and mocked our family. Truthfully our power was slipping.

Seven kingdoms will have civil war again. And I will get my father to listen. To reclaim our title as legitimate and our throne crystalline with everlasting reign and authority. To prevent a new dynasty to uproot our family. It must be settled.

Then I looked at his cooling eyes and froze.

“I know. I’m a good brother and all, and sometimes I-“ I said.

The man cut me off. Rejection and disappointment. Like I was some toddler who just wanted his toy and didn’t play well with others. I began to feel the guilt seep in. And I looked at memories every time I mistreated my brother.

“You know. Your brother tells me you are ruining his life. Bossing him around. You need to let up.” He said.

The weight. His authority pressed down on my conscious. Where I struggled on a hook.

“Well I think I treat him pretty good. I watch and protect him. He needs to be grateful” I said.

It was weird. I didn’t feel that way about Daniel. We loved and respected each other. So why was I playing a tune here?

And I knew Daniel didn’t feel that way. But somehow my Dad’s words held more weight than my own.

Dad shook his head and sighed.

“When will you learn son. You can’t place expectations on people. You are always doing that. So stubborn. You got so much anger” He said.

My heart raced. My fists clenched. Was he right? No my feelings. All the evidences.

“No Dad. I have a right to be angry. Why the court here? You know our kingdom is slipping? Right?” I said.

The notebook under the table. The evidences. Whenever my Dad confronted me he demanded evidence. To prove justification for my feelings. So I have been doing that. Was I wrong? Am I obsessing?

“They are good people who care. Really you judge them too harshly.” He said.

Aura of power washed over me. His face gentle. Eyes full of love and care. Like Dad was doing me a solid. Teaching me to be respectable. And it melted my anger. Not dispersed but evaporated as I yielded. But all that gas floated around waiting to be ignited.

Truly my Dad was right. Why would he lead me astray?

“Trust me son. I know what I am doing here.” He said.

For brief moment. I imagined pushing the whole issue. Then I shivered. Never again. Better to yield, and hopefully guide. I can’t place those expectations. It was wrong after all. I was wrong.

I needed to treat my brother better. I needed to be less angry. I will become a better person. As I am broken, it doesn’t mean I can’t serve my kingdom. And my family. It will be good to follow Dad. He is a good and tender man. And then we will bring this realm under greater peace. And solidify our rule.

“Now. Let’s do a little duel. I need to stretch. Daniel tells me he is almost beating you. Can’t have that can we? The court will not find that acceptable.” Said Dad.

We walked down the path. And chatted. We laughed and joke while keeping up appearances. I felt warmth and joy of being with my Father. I wanted to be fair and just like him. It is too bad my core is broken. I just have to work harder.

As our armor flowed from the magic and onto bodies, I just watched. Watching the details. Imagining how it worked. Like heated gold it shimmered our colors. Dad green, and mine a swirl of purple and pink. Roots wrapped around our calves and ankles before going rigid. Then it flattened into plates before cooling off all excess magic. Like mud it rushed down our arms. Oozing warmth and familiarity.

I’m glad my core could do this much. As the court would know. But I could be happy with what I have.

“Now son. Bring out your dueling karmic” Said Dad.

I took a deep breath and chose a glaive. Imagining the karmic link. The link to my own soul. The message and form of my bond. It was interconnected. A mixture. The yin to the yang. A cross between and bond to the two sides of my personality. The flow of a circle. In and out.

Pain erupted. Like burning oil it thickened in my core. My guts clenching as memories flashed. But I shoved them down. I know who I was. No need to bring up useless garbage.

Around me purple and pink hue glowed and flickered. As my weapon barely materialized. I gasped as memories flickering with in time of the aura I put. Which was raw untamed power. Chaos. A storm. Not a good sign.

“I’m telling you son” Dad whispered.

“When you stop trying to change people. And accept them. Your anger will stop. To rule is to be loving and compassionate. Hear their words and not judge them” He continued.

Memories came rushing into the aura. Only I saw them. Of Daniel being forced to apologize. Our subordinates were short with him, accused him of things he didn’t do.

I then saw myself. Receiving the same treatment. Of seeing the crashing economy. The plotting. And then receiving my Dad’s wrath. As he the ruler knew what he was doing. And those people had a right to be displeased. And I was wrong to establish order. As I, the fledging prince, was turning into a tyrant and needed to change my ways. That I was selfish for wanting to have clarity. As people didn’t need that. They just were fine. And I was always the problem.

I’m the problem? What? What in the actual hell? I’m no longer. No. My hand reached. Instead of suppression the bottomless wells of emotions I pulled. I inhabited. And it came rushing. And I felt whole. Raw, untamed sense of self.

My Dad went cold. Zoning completely. As his authority pressed down.

“You are doing that again son. Release your anger. Nobody has done you harm. You are being too critical of everyone.” He said.

A numbness crept up my arms. As his aura sucked the vital energy. Invading my emotions and replacing my memories. Was I wrong? Again. How dare I. Then a whisper. My eyes thinking of the stars. An early memory.

Like a soothing balm it snaked down my mind. And then pain shattered all influence. A memory. 

No! He didn’t.

“What did you do!” I yelled. 

Mana surged. My hand reached up and out. Pink and purple swirled together. And waves of heat and wind spewed. Blowing dust in the air. I grasped the karmic threads. And pulled. An echo of invisible sound surged all around. And then out of my Dad’s wrist. A swirling gem of pink and purple pulled out like a spirit being set free. It flew and raced away from my Dad’s magic threads. And went inside my chest. I shook with both happiness and fear. Completion. Was I dangerous?

No. I’m a good person.

“You were dangerous son. Full of anger. Full wraith. I had to take action. So you wouldn’t do something you regret.” My Dad confessed.

He looked at me expectantly. Like I was supposed to reject myself.

“No” I said. My voice hard edges, but soft with resolve and deep conviction.

Green jets billowed out his eyes. His armor thicken. Armor soaring. As he marched forward, solid deep thump reverberated up my body. I almost shivered. I start turning my neck, but I stopped halfway. Its time. No more.

To the very end. No matter what. I must see this through. No numbness. No more misguided communication. I am a good person. I will be a good prince.

But on my own terms. And in my own way.

A deep voice sounded calm, but with potential snap. A deadly calm.

“Be careful boy. I take care of you. Protect you. And sacrifice my time for your future. You will show me some respect.” He said.

I took a deep steady breath. My heart thumped wildly. The swirl racing. Like a storm. But was it really dangerous? Or only an aspect of order? Storms are part of growth. 

Am I right? Yes. I hope so. I have always wanted to do what’s right. But I have instincts. Are they wrong? No. Its part of who I am

My Dad notice the swirl. It was both order and variance. A living breathing cycle. A instigator of change.

“You are selfish. You know that? Pretty freaking selfish. Trying to rule over your brother. Hurting others. Wanting everything. Taking over all property. We are going have long hard talk. But hand that back and release your mana.” He breathed out.

The yelling was about to begin. And we were holding weapons. And our magics. Dangerous.  Absolutely dangerous.

Men who stood their ground. Both believing they were right. Absolutely terrifying!

How far will Dad threaten me this time. 

I must see this through. Its time. And it is right. 

I must see this through. 

He is my father. Surely he wouldn’t go so far? I have been my best to do things right. Surely he does see that. Right? 

I must see. This. Through.

“No Dad. It is you that is the problem. I may not always be the best. But you also have your own problems. How come you never admit that?” I said.

Oh. Did I just say that? Crap. My heart raced harder. Fear skipped between wraith, sorrow and desire to protect what is mine.

Green smeared down his back. A wolf made out of green swirling liquid. Dancing like fog. Its eyes firm. A growl that is only seen. Not heard. Punching my purple and pink swirl I felt the growl.

A bit of teeth as well.

This wolf was no normal wolf. It had patches of scales. Eyes yellow like fire. And paws that held thick claws. Exactly like a lizard who decided it wanted to rule packs. And so it became a wolf. 

It leered at my formless mist. Finding me unworthy.

‘Bend a knee’ it called. Asking me to not force its dominance.

‘You are out of order. And weak. You need my protection.’

My formless mist just floated there formless.

“You can’t even manifest yourself yet. Boy what are you even thinking. You are too angry and karmic relationships too entangled. Let go. Return the gem and I will help you. But never do this again. You do not disrespect me. You are in my house.” Growled Dad.

In preparation. A mace launched from Dad’s hand. Hovered right above me. His form grown to eight feet. Powered by the dominance of his avatar. Such bearing weight. 

But I know that My life will eclipse his.

Because I understand balance. That’s it. I am no single concept. But a balance. A swirl. A snake eating its tail. Over and over. As the years go by, so will my rule both protect and bring forth growth.

Like that. Old things died and new things have grown. And it will continue to evolve.

The tiger who fights and cuts things. It rushed launching over its prey. Behind my back a purple tiger formed. frecious and untamed.

“See. I have known you were an angry boy all my life. A tyrant unless I stopped it. And ensured correction” A deep voice thundered.

It split my tiger with green tendrils for a split second. Before that tiger eyes full of fight launched back. Pushing his authority back.

What about the pink?

A deep heart beated. A love for people, subjects and history. Richness of the earth. But easily reacting to change. Learning from the past through rebirth. Evolution could happen. And it always can happen.

A pink phoenix flew out. Wrapped in heart and right. Flapped above screeching. Its form flickered. Constantly going through maturity and rebirth. Redefining itself constantly.

“Again. There already good things in place. Why do you fight?” Said my Dad.

“You must accept what is right” A growl escaped him.

This time green tendrils speared and pierced the Phoenix. No matter how it reformed the spears relentless. And death unforgiving. At the same time green tendrils formed a trap snaring the tiger. Trapping it.

My power buckled. I struggled, and I began to turn my neck to the left. I wanted to beg forgivess and promised to be better.

I almost did. Until the gem previously hidden, pushed out the fake and settle on my neck. It felt right. It is right. I am more than meets the eye. I am complicated. I am a mess. But I am a key part of the karmic network.

I am here.

The gem called, and two avatars looked at each other. A storm chased and picked up. Feeding itself. The tiger chased away and swiped the spears. The phoenix redefining the tiger to be nimble and smart. Be calculating, be strong. Redefinition. While the tiger brought the thrill and desire to hunt. Bringing nourishment and bringing down all enemies who prevented growth.

And so, The karmic cycle swirled. And I grew two feet taller. My torso thickening with strength. A glaive grew and settled in my palm. I looked up ready.

Ancient voice echoed through the air. Long ago. Established by the founders as it sensed what was going on.

“The duel of kings. If old beats new. The new is banished unless they submit. If the new shall be victorious. Then the old step down and submit to the new.” It said.

My Dad enraged.

“I will beat you senseless. And then once you submit. I do not know what I will do. But your authority. Princedom is over. I will no longer tolerate this.” He yelled.

Mace gripped the King rushed. Swing down. My mana made me flexible.

I hooked a leg behind his completed stomped and rushed underneath. His form too large. I needed to get behind. The hook allowed me spin around his leg like a pole. Where I was behind.

My glaive shrinking and growing to accommodate my needs and movements. I slashed behind. And felt dense mana infused armor. The newness of my life. The rawness of my karma, is barely beginning to evolve. No way I was going to win. 

But I would give it my all. 

As my weapon bounced off, a blast of force sent me sliding back. And he casually turned around completely burning with violence. I was scared. Because finally breaking the chains felt thrilling. But I would guide my evolution. Direct it in good, wholesome ways. 

I am going to be myself. And it will be natural. Like my own duality as Phoenix and Tiger. Purple and pink.

My life is in direct conflict with dragons. Anything draconic will find me threatening. As I represent their thorn. Their power being eaten away. Being taken from their wrath. Making their hybrid form absolutely meaningless in the long run. As life will always return to center. It will outgrow the limitations by old monsters and rules.

They cannot stop what is right.

But. As I went to surge forward giving my all. My Dad said something. That hurt more than anything else.

It punched the fight and made me cold. Just like him.

“You are not even trying. A lazy prince with too many things. You don’t care about anyone or anything” He said.

A stupid grin popped out his helmet. As his face smirk like he finally found something that would make me back down.

I turned ice chilled. If I can’t grow here.

“I choose banishment” I said.

I’m done with him. A bell rang and my armor disappeared. My power still there. Inside me. But I will be superseded while I walk these grounds. Depressing. And pathetic.

“What?” Gasped my Father. Neither anger nor compassion. Just resentment and shock.

As I walked out of the stadium. I called over my shoulder.

“I’m done with you Dad. You will never see me again” I said.

Tears rolling down my face. As I submitted not to him but my own choice. It needed to be done. No more.

“Wait. You can’t do that. Guards arrest him” His voice desperate.

I glanced at the guards. My tiger eyes sharp and menacing. They backed down.

As I entered the tunnel to exit the estate, I heard my Dad weeping full of sorrow. Full of self-loathing and confusion. Of why his son was doing this to him.

Will I ever come back? Will we ever get along? And will my Dad finally acknowledge his faults?

It was dangerous. Bandits litter the paths as the seven kingdoms pushed closer to anarchy. I would have to face that alone.

And find my path. The duality of my own soul. As both protecter and cause of change. 

I have my path. I will find through my own choices and experiences. Consequences and victories. It will all be there. My life. My agency. Facing the end result. I will find my handiwork as it is. 

And then face the very eyes of all the stars.