Now where to?

I had some discussions with people. Some uncomfortable some with people in my family. It was closure. What I needed as the decade of struggle closed its final chapter.

And the relief of a burden finally brushed off. Sometimes burdens have hidden straps where for the life of me I can’t find. It can be embarrassing. 

I believe firmly in progression. Evolution through repeated struggle. My mantra. We are all human.

Now where to? 

Its exciting to take the next step.

The very question of where to will be answered by daily. The place where thoughts goes is right here. In the writing. In the records of my daily thoughts. Sometimes it’s private. Other times I will want to publish my struggles.

But this is just the beginning. A story I have been waiting to write. My journey. With a very long footnote of a complex preamble. The past is complicated, so it’s more of footnote of events, and it’s not a saga. A lot of my growth is messy. And pieces copied, duplicated and then modified. 

Then duplicated again.

But the past is simple too. Life is beautiful when it is simple. Sometimes it takes a third-party to tell me I am full of crap. I do my uttermost to not be arrogant or hold beliefs that are tainted. Honestly it’s rough at times. When your thoughts are trapped in the past. You want to get out.

I am human. That means something. To be human is to be valued. We as people have our own struggles and our own backgrounds. Why do we need comparisons when the best things in life are lit by kindness and compassion? I struggled with comparisons. Still do, but maturity is a real thing. I have matured through trials.

Experience is a hidden strength that places my very skeleton to rest. As the burden of an inexperienced frame is what causes growth. Trials feed our growth. And more growth is required of my beating heart.

Yet closure is good. It can help trapped thoughts finally break free of their chains. As unconscious chains grip it down. Not letting go. I love when people choose kindness when I am vulnerable. It is a reminder that not all the world is bad. That I am not so horrible to be chucked out. And there can be peace knowing that the streets can be walked in broad daylight. 

You just need to learn the ropes. As an autistic this is a good reminder to not stay indoors and hide out. Today may be filled with hurt. Yet tomorrow is special because the unknown can be very sweet. As tomorrow will take care of itself. 

Look to each moment and breathe in and out. Not letting your head grasp your inner soul. It is a dance between subtle acceptance and personal growth. Acceptance can lead to growth, and growth can lead to eventual acceptance. These are resources to be built upon. Not limited by. Your materials to figure how the sandbox will form. And those buildings will soar to the sun. 

Empires be damned. Vitality, truths and the songs of singing be invited. Authentic growth for intrinsic joy. Purpose for the broken heart. Might weakened down to dedication. Allowing everything to flow naturally as we seek the best things. Importance and emphasis on those things that really matter. Life as a step by step process. Involving our faith and prayers will always spread glow and chase the shadows back. So I can just rest and recoup.

Then I will get up and repeat. Until my growth catches the sky. And invites the rain to the parched earth. Hearing thunder, but breathing in the rain.