Aftermath

I am in the chair falling asleep. It feels both incredibly helpful and miserable at the same time.

Yesterday created a ripple. In one branch is the helpfulness of having better spaces. A clean room that will lower my global stress. Making all life avenues a little cleaner. The other cascading effect is today. My body hurts a lot. My neck stiff to the point I couldn't turn left or right. Now I have some ability to move. Just not around. I can write here. Thank goodness.

I am getting antsy. And the past wants to rush at me. I am like that kid whistling in the ally way. Thinking of the wonderful smells, but the wolves lurk in the dark. Blinking. Smiling with teeth that absorb the light. Shadows. I put music on, think creative thoughts and hopefully float past the workings of my mind. These mechanism that try to be helpful, but are really just clogging my mind. Making me gag inside.

My subconscious sees me staying still, and says, "hey! Let's work through some trauma. Here you go. I hope you like extra mustard!"

Mustard is a delicacy. The yellow neon flavor needs to stay simple. Just a little. Not gobs like your pouring mayo upon your sour dough bread. 

Too much is too much. I am more of a mayo and ketchup guy, so please stay minute and measured.

What happened yesterday was I got done cleaning, took a shower and then had a major nose bleed. I was hunched over the sink for twenty-five to thirty minutes. That was all it took. Timber!

My body might have been just peachy, but the noose bleed getting me all hunched over solidified my back problems. In no way could I have calculated that. Its like when the dishwasher, the sink and fridge all goes bonkers at the same time.

Life can never be quantified. I do remember that, but I have an itch. Patterns. Routines. Clarity of the world. Surfaces reflected back. And then something unexpected happens because I am only human. And the world is indeed raw.

Honestly. Its not all bad. How could I enjoy creating if the world didn't have plenty of raw layers? We can surf or dive. Whatever gets the goat happy. Subconscious demands to be groomed and tended. Our lives need to be organized. The world is waiting to be discovered. And sometimes the screaming is simply solved. The knot is one bowtie away.

Tell me, antsy self, do you dive or surf?

Can I, please, simply jump to the sky?

Designing rockets begins with the pipeline. Hooking the infrastructure and understanding the flow. Harmonizing. Then you start wielding the pieces and forging them apart. Then fold and forge together. Bit by bit. Steel by steel. Clay to the oven fire, and harmony is one flow. The work is one everlasting iteration. A process that keeps coming and going. Freeway train. Tracks upon tracks.

Rest easy engine. Stay puttering but strong. The fire is escaping the hatch. Cool down and just jive.

I might work on my coding project tonight. Fingers crossed. I am exercising patience. Playing music, but I keep on falling asleep. Then I wake up all antsy. Same thing happens with audiobooks. I fall asleep. The point is to engage my mind as that is the only thing that gets me relaxed. However sleep overtakes us all.

I truly do need to rest. I'm just not good with it. I have a mind that wants to connect dots, create a design and attempt design into reality. That is how my mind works. Steps though. Life has many flavors.

Maybe that is what I need. A little variety. I play games infrequently. About three hours a week. And I could get into drawing. Most importantly these are activities that are out of orbit and can just float interstellar. Keeping even velocity.

My connections are super highways. Although, forming dirt roads is good too. They are escape hatches for the traffic jam. Energies are much easier to guide than to clear.