key pillars

When working though life, you find yourself as you are. More self-awareness leads to both change and acceptance. There are constraints I must work through. They are both gravity and resistance. Some might say gravity is resistance. And it is, but I see it as a natural force. Giving possibility or signal in a noisy place.

And man. I do have resistance. A while ago, I wrote about writing in a file, hit save and then open a new file and do the same problem in a different way.

Through all the stress through sickness, I lost track of that. And now when my mind about fried me last night, I eventually was reminded of this. The movie "Robots" that starred Robin Williams did not miss the point about need. When there is a need, there is a place to fill with something new. Or innovate. When I found my mind going crazy because I was stuck in the chair with nerve pain and swelling combined with months of low consistency in schedule, I prayed. My mother prayed. My Dad wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head. 

It was honestly hard. And prayers are answered.

Just follow the rising sun. The shadow lengthen when the sun rises. Do not be afraid. Those shadows will be put back in their proper form. And my life is getting better. I am getting stronger, but I get scared at times. I am scarred. As the thorns are detached from my skin, it hurts. It stings. Then comes every healing. Compassion and love is very important. We are meant to cry on someone's shoulder. Life is tough. And if possible, those people in return can rely on you in their tough moments. However. Life is a mixture of imperfections and sacrifice. Someone goes through a hard time. An era of suffering. Loving them is loving yourself. We are each an individual. Even if it means being there without equal treatment. In times when weariness sits in.

There is always prayer. Even if I cannot, at this time, have perfect love, I have faith that there are spheres higher than our own. Our Creator. Who will be there if we call. And sometimes when we forget.

This morning I got up and started writing. I remembered about variance. And I explored further why this is helpful for me. I am a divergent thinker who also loves convergence. By recording or expressing my thoughts in multiple ways I am creating redundancy. I made a little trip to AI to discuss about redundancy and learn a little more about distributed systems. I believe my mind is like a distributed system with edge devices with multiple fragmented data. By creating a history with multiple viewpoints, or multiple solutions, I am carving paths up every mountain.

If there are multiple paths and means to climb one mountain, then if one shuts down the other may be open. Once climbed the previous history, or state, is restored. Then I can continue where I left off. I can converge ideas into one unified field. And when state is preserved, momentum can flow and fade with ease, knowing that nothing is lost. And when the pen is ready for the ink to write letters, I can resume. No different from how games record everything with achievements, status bars and quests.

Open up the save file and resume. Yin and Yang. Autism and ADHD. Art and technical. Symbols to combine and flow. Surpassing both. Bringing one whole. A joy. A blessing. My existence finding fulfillment. Living with purpose. And with traction. Life is imperfect, but I will continue to grow. And refine.