Stasis Clock

I read a lot today. My reading began yesterday evening. A familiar book about connecting games and real life. A book about why games are so good at what they do. Before in my past, I spent many hours reading this book when I felt numb. During these years, I was desperate to feel anything. I went through many self-help books, and gamification caught my interest. Was this a way to hack around my struggles? No. It didn't help me in the way I hoped. However the book gave me many ideas to dream about. A way to help people. I read another one of her books as well. That book covered about working through pain and using concepts of games to help heal. I feel motivated to one day design digital worlds to help circumvent trauma and begin the process of dealing with emotions. Skills I hope to obtain and utilize for wholesome endeavors.  The ideas communicated in both books are incredible. It was yesterday that the thought occurred in my brain to read about gamification again. Then I remembere...

“High tide, rain tracks, will stations leave their appointed mid dime?” A voice whispered. A shake washed me down. Mist touching my face. It snapped all the world into focus. Here. A water scape. Gentle bumps on the sea. Me sprawled on a floating rock shaped into one synthetic station. There were train tracks leaving behind a trail. A trail of forgetfulness. Like reality wasn’t real. The water ignored the metal and bronze. It just moved like gentle whales. Barely making any shakes to where I stood up. It was like stairs high up where everything had an cadence. The world far below in the sea bed. Dirt? Rock? Am I real? Dan. I’m Dan. Water painted down further. A single sun lightly kissed every dark place. It sank to find the earth, and I stayed afloat. No clouds just hazy orange, purplish blue. A humid air brushed every hair giving me goose bumps across my shoulders and arms. I hesitantly swallowed. My black dress shoes tapped. Black socks clung to trembling skin. My casual pants follow...

Another round for a short stint. 40 mins today. I took my daily walk, came back and worked in Xcode. This time around: if statements. I have done boolean comparisons thousands of times. What coder hasn’t? Yet, I could probably count on my hands the times I have worked in UI. All my other coding sessions, when I was sick, targeted the command line. My involvement was trying to figure out my @State bugs. And a bit of tuples. I set up a framework project. Had a standard hello world label. A button at the bottom. It switched between three states. When tapped or clicked, the button’s text changes. Or at least that was the idea. Learned more about @State to figure out the problem. Yet the button did not update. In a separate swift file I had a function called “switch_to_unknown()” that changes the string the button depends on for its state. The string was supposed to have variations of calling the user unknown. Until their name is brought back in a complete circular cycle. A little random fu...

First Hand I played the demo ‘first hand’. The demo that comes with the Meta Quest 3. I like how crisp and clear the world is. The concepts in the game are integrated quite well. Graphics are not the complete solution to greater immersion. It is more about concepts. How they are written. Weaved together. Better Graphics increases the amount pixels that can be rendered. Which allows for more activity in the world. However, without good design it will feel the opposite of being immersed in virtual reality. For example take pictures. We have higher resolutions. iPhones for the longest time didn’t have more than 12 mega pixels. A possible answer for this is software needed to be created. With greater detail, the responsibility for good photography goes up. Now software in phone tech will do the heavy lifting for us. So that it as easy as clicking a button and the photo is calibrated to look better by default. It is like digital painting software that can ease the jitter of a line and smoot...

Memory Lane: Many, many headaches... A little update here. I'm finally doing it.  Years ago, before I turned from 19 to 20, I started dreaming about app development. It was when iPhones and Android phones had only been around for a few years. Probably less than or equal to five years in.  I went to the local library and checked out three huge books. That same week, I went on a fishing trip. While my grandparents were driving the motorhome, I sat at the table, with my seatbelt on, reading through one book. A heavy book on HTML5.  I had this huge headache. Never before have I ever attempted to think imperatively or with logic. What was syntax? And why is it that misspellings or capital letters sometimes work in the browser? What are hyperlinks? And why was Javascript needed? Didn't even realize coding was creative as well. That logic needed imagination to go with it. Art running in parallel with the technical. It was too scary to think of anything else. On top of it all, I ...

Growth. It has direction. There is a stimulus. And the records are part of its growth. This code is incomplete. The programming is inefficient, and it is a representation of an idea. So its pseudo code. I am just writing the concept that is swirling in my head. Something I thought of after a walk.  That night, I sat with my phone. Scrolling through picture after picture of tree roots. Tuning in. Looking at the growth. And imagining records being laid down as the root grew. What is the pattern that defines its shape? How can I write this in code? To create tree roots of variety each with their own records? How does a tree have its own identity? What causes every tree to have different network root systems? Many, many questions. The place where beauty is specified by art, and that art is caught by universal design. A universe of variety. Each moment. Each stretch for growth is a defining trait. Something you can recognize even if you dislike trees. Its that profound even if the zen d...

Took another walk today. Listened to the late august crickets. The whole neighborhood is brimming with them buzzing. I looked at the leaves. Then down at the road. Somewhere deep down in the roots of the world is the patterns of all walks. A place filled with crystalline structure. I’m studying this. Replicating the sounds I hear within 3d Software. Exploring the idea I have. And it’s fun. So much fun to hear the world.  And then write it down. Weaving a tapestry. Building up the weavings. Then go back up into the world. Place the leaves within virtual space. Crickets tapping and shaking. August skies shading down. All seen through the cloth of sound. Cut right from it. Deep down writing. Software blemishing what is real. An imitation to cause us to wonder.  What could be in this world?  Smacked middle in the tundra of sounds. Frozen by the records. Past forever shaking with the ephemeral sounds.

Alright. This is a first post. This is my first attempt at phantom generation. A code generator. Very rough. A sketch of an idea. The trait system is helping setup a framework for generalized process for calculating data. The point of the data is supposed to be abstract. Data collection. Generalized combine operations for adding two data points together. Then the generalized CPU actions to create a network, a symbol to connect all the data points. The symbols represent a type of calculation. This is all an hunch in my own brain. It will be interesting to explore and see where it goes. It has been a few weeks since I worked on this project. But I remember the kind of ideas I had at a time. So I am building a record here. An initial start to write on this blog and learn while writing. Then draw from the records here to further my idea. This is a journey. It will be great to start posting my work here.

I had some discussions with people. Some uncomfortable some with people in my family. It was closure. What I needed as the decade of struggle closed its final chapter. And the relief of a burden finally brushed off. Sometimes burdens have hidden straps where for the life of me I can’t find. It can be embarrassing.  I believe firmly in progression. Evolution through repeated struggle. My mantra. We are all human. Now where to?  Its exciting to take the next step. The very question of where to will be answered by daily. The place where thoughts goes is right here. In the writing. In the records of my daily thoughts. Sometimes it’s private. Other times I will want to publish my struggles. But this is just the beginning. A story I have been waiting to write. My journey. With a very long footnote of a complex preamble. The past is complicated, so it’s more of footnote of events, and it’s not a saga. A lot of my growth is messy. And pieces copied, duplicated and then modified. ...

This morning I woke up at 7:30am. Went to a local clinic, and got my blood drawn. Had a chat with the guy while the lab results were getting drawn. Came home. Why the lab tests? The physical component of my sickness is thankfully treatable. No different from what a diabetic must do, except my problem is different. And rare enough that it took twelve years to find out. Yet the treatment can be very dangerous. For the initial span of this life-long regimen, I need to get lab work every three to four weeks. Because my body can easily be flipped over if not careful. These first steps will determine the right balance for me. And that is why I woke up with a scare today. I came home from the lab tests. Got my regimen, as taken once per week. Went up and fell asleep. I was up all night and barely got 30 mins before the lab drawn. One hour later I got up. And I couldn’t breathe. Tightness in my body, thickness with every self breathing. I had to focus on self in order to get oxygen. We panicke...

Knuckles hold it still. That desire. Wings beat those tendons down. Sun gently down. Eyes filled with wonder. Wrinkles in folds. Air whipping the years back. Scenic ripping lash. Bring it bring it. Time is soft. Years speaking back. Deficient gravity. Those currents. Trapping all the pain. Bring it forward. Give it some fuel. You are not done. There is no difference. For I will fly. Those eyes that watch. I see them watch. But I hear air. Leave them below. Refuse the toll. Refuse the excuses. Time will sink back. As space folds. Mother earth switch For I walk in between As air surface And water catches Screaming to soft Waiting down the line Screaming to catch Just cast the air behind I climb the ladders Enter the stasis For due sight Mighty crystalline pain But tho in sound Crystal align by drive And symbols blatantly died It hurts. It blends. As air sinks. Dive into the depths Reach for the best Then take back its air As tunnels of majesty In moments of clarity Eyes to eyes to time...

You know about people. Duh? What about your own family. Or friends. How much do we overlook the very things we need. I have. And last night I reconnected to a member of my loved ones. We talked. I cried. They listened. They even tried to suggest some things. I just wanted to vent. But today I tried something they suggested. I took a walk. And it felt really good. I had trouble sleeping, then at 5:40 AM I walked. And got hit by a sprinkler. I giggled and laugh with the sun still rising. Every Joe and Jane getting ready for work and I am giggling with the sprinkler. It felt good. For years, I have been pretty sick. Both Mentally and Physically. They were linked yes, but they still were separate issues. And like Yin to Yang, one hurt the other. A spiral I couldn’t get out from under. From the moment I hit adolescent, this combo worked on me. Through the end of my 20s and into my first year of 30. Now the physical half has been treated. Mostly. Well, it’s a beginning. The point is that now...

You know. Autism. The very difficult experience. Of trying to see the world, and then bringing it all together. Puzzle pieces. It is like Bob’s grill. You know? Turn the knobs hear the chicken and fry the steak. Except every time you feel a new moment, the knobs change. And the temperature works against you. It wants to be different. So you readjust. Then your spatula is taken, and you are given a prong. Now your height shrinks. Every condition. Reality changing. It is sort of a blessing. You always see the world differently. And you can remember all the variations. All the facts. But then it works against you. And then you remember all the variations. All the facts. One in all. Together in your life. It takes years to process all those variations. Because your body doesn’t naturally filter it out. And you must find a way through. Find a way to survive. Then people. You crave connection, but they are the most complicated sounds to hear. Static. They smile when they feel sad. Yet you he...

Armor. Setting sun sweat drip armor. The heat oozed off my skin and dripped off dry rashes of pain. I breathed heavy but my spine and back pulled me down. It was a cinch. And the armor very delicate as it rubbed my back raw. Sweat filed brush. “You know? I’m pretty thirsty.” said Daniel. My little brother. His muscles tighten down. Heavy breath ready to turn summer air into fog. Battle fog really. “Ah little brother. Where is that spirit from earlier. Is your big brother still better?” I teased. A crooked grin and knowing look from his green eyes made me slightly blush. We both knew I barely won. I haven’t been training with him. Reading politics as I prepare for my birth right. Putting only hours to maintain skill not grow. And knowing him, he probably visualized me as he was training. Little runt. My frame was average, but Daniel is growing so fast. Lightning quick. Lean strength but incredible mind. Sharpened by Dad and his own brothers. That little kid now in a position to climb. S...