Stasis Clock

I wrote the last post this morning after going through another bout of sickness. It pained me to have work halted again. And everything felt empty. Hopeless. Desolate and despair. What was I missing? I kept on thinking of my coding two days ago. It was fulfilling in the moment. Sort of in a halfway feeling. Sort of. Sort of not. I am missing that blanket of fulfillment. Sacredness.  Valuing ones own efforts. Cherishing your memories. That is another piece I am missing. Its probably why writing here or sharing my work to the world feels good. The fact that I am broadcasting rather explicitly sharing to others makes me feel like myself. I feel part of my world. I feel like I exist. Its a reminder not to shut up. Not to hide what I am doing. This journey will take many pieces to fill up. Then eventually they will combine into key pillars. Those pillars will become the concrete in my heart. Reinforcing everything. Its safe to say I was pipen freakin mad yesterday. I can see my own time...

How many days? Since I last wrote. I lost count. To keep sacred. Is to keep my work and records sacred. Its not the highs that create the love. The sacredness of what you do. Keep it. Cherish it. And safeguard. When sickness comes, cherish your work. Keep it deep inside. Cherish is the liver and the guts. The pancreas and the kidneys. They keep sacred by feeding and separating. My work is sacred. My failures. My follies. The people who have hurt me have attacked my confidence in those things. Never let them. Your life is sacred. Your achievements. Your goals. Do not let anyone defile them. As the moon tides flow they circle around. They do matter. As well as the code you write. The writings you write. The people who don’t respect it are not worth agonizing over. It is not about being right or being better. It is about sanity. In being a human being.