Stasis Clock

As the years go by, the meaning of humans slipping and dying. A conflict with the actual truth. Like embers. The value of everyone, of us, is so sure that no foundation can shake the meaning of humanity. We are human beings. Valiant, beautiful and endless in our potential. Our destiny is one step to hear right now. Yet the pain I feel overshadows that meaning, a dented symbol shadowing the old. Snapping right over. I need a spoon to scrape it out. Aluminum sealed upon titanium steel. Foolish pride. Old but new philosophy. Freakin humans beating their own drums. Loud, overbearing and plain sneer. Rubbing not alcohol, nor medicine, but their own venom coursing out. Missing the good ideal and ache through the core. From apple core to red liquid. The goop saps the tree out. You mean nothing. I mean nothing. No one means anything. See? Their words burn because its a beating sick. Empty calories never meant to hold concrete meaning, the meaning lost with 'rational' philosophy, but re...

I changed my project name to flaregami. I have been referring to this project in my last few posts. Its a 3d modeling library for building and designing 3d models through code. Using Rust as the language. In one of my past posts, I linked to this project. I went back to the post and updated the link to reflect the right place.

I have mentioned including my artistic side to coding. Here is the refinement of my process. My pipeline into creating code. And possibly other endeavors. There are cycles. A swing to the left. Then a swing to the right. A pendulum. This pendulum swings between artistic drive and freedom, and to refinement through governance via structure. The artistic side reigns freely and alters the code. Causing a distortion in the structural integrity. Leading to new ideas. This is where the village and shaman come in. The narration distorts pure logic. Other artistic ideas and flares lead to more kinds of distortions. Increasing complexity and richness to the process, and the distortion leads on. Propagating and expanding.  Eventually the weight and burden becomes massive. Causing the pendulum to swing back around. Entering the era of compression. The compression is taking all the artistic thought and finding structure within. Aligning the narrative to the goal. The specification. Bringing it...

I am in the chair falling asleep. It feels both incredibly helpful and miserable at the same time. Yesterday created a ripple. In one branch is the helpfulness of having better spaces. A clean room that will lower my global stress. Making all life avenues a little cleaner. The other cascading effect is today. My body hurts a lot. My neck stiff to the point I couldn't turn left or right. Now I have some ability to move. Just not around. I can write here. Thank goodness. I am getting antsy. And the past wants to rush at me. I am like that kid whistling in the ally way. Thinking of the wonderful smells, but the wolves lurk in the dark. Blinking. Smiling with teeth that absorb the light. Shadows. I put music on, think creative thoughts and hopefully float past the workings of my mind. These mechanism that try to be helpful, but are really just clogging my mind. Making me gag inside. My subconscious sees me staying still, and says, "hey! Let's work through some trauma. Here you...

Woke up. Iced my back. Yesterday I stretched further. Pushing my walking time more. Enabling better growth. And man, it felt good. This was no price tag. It was investment. Greater flow, greater control. However. Asthma. Yeah it was air quality issues. The State I live in is struggling with pollution, wild fires and other assortment of reasons. The air used to be fine. No breathing problems. I grew up in the Evergreen State. And allergies caused hell for me between April and late July. Moved away. For eight years, barely two weeks of itchy eyes and breathing problems. Two weeks out of the whole year. This being late May and early June. Now the whole routine has changed. Fall, Spring and Summer I have daily breathing issues. Winter is still difficult, but for some reason the air feels a little better. Hmmm. I wonder if this would make a great Raspberry Pi project. I have a couple in my office and I been looking for a use for them.  I'm writing as I think here. This is a good idea. I...

I mentioned this in my last post:  Removing Obstacles "Software is more than just logic. It is meaning as well. It tells a story layer by layer. It claims logic, inhabits the house of binary, and then feeds diversity into foundational walls. Layer by layer. Imagination links up with rules. From 1s and 0s to the calling function of "fire_weapon()". We tell a story. Slowly. Gently. Guiding the strands and transforming them to be more human. More intelligent. Weaving the strand with other strands. A silky web. Then the net is pulled and sounds rings off of every section. Music at connected points. Notarized in their notes, and words are encoded. Ideas focused by the reality of binary limitations." And that was written before I coded in the same evening. I wrote down that blog post as an record for myself. I vented my past, to clear the air from my eyes, and then wrote what I wanted to do. That night I recreated the project I did previously. Instead of git branch, I cho...

3D-Printing. Software based, but requires manual intervention. What I mean is tinkering with the knobs, oiling the mechanics and testing for warped surfaces. Which is fine. I enjoy fixing problems. However, this has a intersection with my past. Being suppressed. I am autistic. And the way I learn is different. The way I feel is divergent. But I am capable of learning these skills. Yet I have been denied the opportunity to learn. By those close to me. They always put me on the sidelines. I would walk up and ask to be given a chance. To reach out and tinker. Learn for myself these skills. For some twisted reason they denied me. Nobody knew I had autism. I went my whole life thinking I was neurotypical. Yet they instinctively treated me like a scourge. Enabling other family members to take part and learn with their hands, but I was rejected. It infuriated me. I love to learn. I love to learn and earn new skills. I was told it was because I was young and others were older. False. I grew up...

Its time. Well midnight is fast approaching. And I just did another round of coding. I love the feeling of being an agent. Making choices. Freeing. Freedom. I did end up taking that walk. Another quick pace in the end of summer. Ha ha. A quick pace for a guy who is losing weight. And I am losing weight. Five out of seven days I walk. There has to be rest. I may have a long cooking session on my off day. Anyways the sun is beautiful in the sky. Evening gleam upon the dry grass. Little stalks of weeds, which I think is another grass type, floats by a particular bench. I have allergies, so I am not going to sit there. Its a marker though. I walk by and listen into the swaying stalks. Looking at the fuzzy bits. Trying not to sneeze but memorized by the patterns upon their spine. Repeated patterns and altered patterns to create green cells. And then the life right in front of me. I got back home. I listened to a book while I cooked dinner. Home made enchiladas. I didn't have enough tort...

Everything has patterns. Yep. That includes me. Before I couldn't have patterns. My sickness made life unpredictable. Now that I can have patterns, something I yearned for, I need to adjust to it. Like getting enough oxygen for the first time. It can be unsettling. Having my own autism means that routine changes, even if they are what I want, takes a grace period. It gets rough for a few weeks. Then once the pattern feels real and safe, and it stabilizes, my brain stops screaming at me. I have made a lot of changes recently. Rocket fuel here. I just ripped it all off and let the flames commenced. It burned hot for a while, but strides have been made, and I think my emotions are starting to calm. There are many other things I want to change, but I can only handle so much. I yearn greatly for change. To improve my situation. To remove bad influences off my life. They take time, and I need to be patient. Ugh. Patience. That has been my chewing gum that is very old by now. Where else a...

The input is the sphere of anything. Multiply the copies. Multiple diverted paths. Multiple connections. Hyper. Down it goes. Into the world. Punching through. As the ship enters orbit, multiple hands grab it. They begin to disassemble and reintegrate into the world. Adding the records. At every stop, every planned junction, meta is added around enriching the new data. Enrichment adds context. It builds up the richness and adds to the components. Integrating it further. Then comes immutability. The freezing of time. Down to the center of the planet. Entering a network of information. Both a labeled history and layered meaning. Full integration. Full stop. Full meaning rippling across the world. A signal. Somewhere, a person or machine, goes and enters the signal. They pull and signal pulses. Sending out its own enriched record. Cascades across around and into the space beyond. No bounds. Pings happen all around. They capture the records essence. Integrating the force within. Adding sub...

Yesterday I did another recording of me designing a game level. This is an idea that is bare bones. I am slowly working on the flow. I like to experiment and learn as I go. Even if the actually journey takes longer. The video this time is about 16 minutes in length. And I feel good how it turned out. Many, many things to learn. Both in how I record my experiences and in the developer experience itself. Sharing here makes the learning very rewarding. I get to monitor my own progress. I hit that record button and its go time. Enter the flow now. I used to overthink things all the time. With the knowledge that a camera is on my work it gets my mind in the moment. I listen to the rhythm and learn to weave in between the moments. Hearing and breathing. Working the symbols as I go. Just like I do when I write. Its incredible to look back and see each video. I can remember what I felt in every moment. And then see what my hands are doing from an outside perspective. Its a multi-dimensional ex...

You know. I have had a lot of hard experiences. It hurts. I am not alone. No. Not one bit. The rules of the game is connection. Both pain and agony. There is compassion. I am human. We are all human. And that pain. Please don’t leave it alone. Find the light in each other. Look up soul, for I am not alone. Peace, peace. The moment I see the tapestry. Generations of pain. Passed unto me. Can I stop it? Maybe a little. Maybe I can revert some traditions. Although I am not alone. We are part of this race. Step out from and leave the sea. Settle down the mucky lanes. Brush out the sand. Oil in the sea. I definitely can see. Symbols are more than just words. They are in us. The represents our thoughts. They write our actions. Those traditions written unto itself. A self repeating prophecy. History taken a turn. My future sort of written down. I am not alone.  You and I must fight that cold arm. That viper. The draconic fight. Those dragons are ethereal. They still spit venom. Their...

So it begins. A first recording of my 3d modeling. In truth, it was me learning how to screen record. There was a specific direction I went, but my focus had some processing on wondering if the video will turn out. No, its not edited. A raw output. I like that. In the future, I will begin to edit my videos. Because honestly, there is a pause one minute into this video. Perhaps less. I am literally putting on lotion on my hands because where I live is very dry. As I was applying, I thought, hmmm. Okay. Nobody is going to see this. All they will see is me glitching out and nothing moving. Let's see where this goes. From the very beginning I am already thinking of improvements. The screen recordings are another outlet. A new kind of record. Different languages have different domains. My skills will get better with each record. For now, it just hitting the ropes. Raw mountain side. Holes in my hiking boots.  These videos are going to be fun. I know eventually I will have wires hooked...

Last week has been amazing. The good is outstanding, but I got into the weekend exhausted. I am the tiger that always has to prowl. I need to hunt something to keep my mind focused and occupied. When life goes still, my mind gets more active. The rhythm of my activities gives cadence, and writing is the balance I need. The records to guide me. I hit Monday, and that day was very different from the last Monday. My mind has crystalline effects. I have records within networks that pop up related items. Days, weeks and years do not matter. Its why I chose my domain stasisclock.dev. Because when time doesn't matter, and your memories feed your moments like you experienced before, you need something to bring time in. A phantom time that mimics intervals. Like I am embedding chapters within an opera. The orchestra not the only stage. That is what writing is to me. When I write, I hear my own sounds, and then I go into a trance. The words fly upon the page one by one and I do not stop unti...